We’ve all been there. We’ve all suffered through it. We’ve all lost precious hours to stories/books/movies with cardboard characters.
The clumsy, yet otherwise perfect woman.
The brute who just doesn’t deserve love (for no reason other than he “just doesn’t”).
The characters whose flaws are limited to: uncontrollable blushing, or… forgetting their keys, or… carrying a stolen lock of hair in their wallet (okay that last one might make for a dynamic character, if not, at least a decent indicator of quirks to avoid in a mate).
So, two IPAs down (yes, a whole two), I decided to start a list. The list may not help anyone, ever. It’s likely not going to assist a single soul in getting the creative juices a-juicing. It may even illicit a few eye rolls.
But you know what? Just chalk it up to my character, in all my irritating, (questionably funny) glory.
Feel free to steal any one of these and work it into a story. And yes, I understand, “good” character flaws should be crafted in such a way that they create a major obstacle for our hero in attainting their specific goals… but I never claimed these were good, just unique. Horribly unique.
I give you: THE LIST OF TOTALLY UNIQUE CHARACTER FLAWS.
A character who:
- Is only attracted to people with 3 nipples. Think of the awkward vetting process.
- Has toilet-specific narcolepsy. Hits the seat, falls asleep.
- Strongly believes blood-letting is still a valid medical practice.
- Has been hypnotized to squawk “sh*t-d*cks!” in a parrot voice whenever they are feeling socially awkward. (I know someone who actually does this, but I am 98% certain this is of his own volition and not the work of a master hypnotist).
- Thinks they have a new food allergy every week. Just kidding. Do NOT write this character, please. No one likes this person, not even when they are imaginary.
- Has an addiction to body glitter. No one likes this person either, but it might be fun to watch them spiral. Physically. Like a tornado of stardust and shimmer powder.
- Keeps getting (unannounced) plastic surgery to look exactly like their new girlfriend/boyfriend. I don’t know, my iTunes shuffled to The Killers and I thought, “wow I most certainly would not be turned on if…”
- Keeps trying to integrate soy sauce into the bedroom. (A continued thought from the above mental train wreck).
- Is so vain that they named all their children and pets after themself with mild variations in spelling. I’m thinking Crystal the Cat, Krystal the Kid, Kristal the Second Kid, Kristel the Third and Favorite Kid, Chrystal the Cockatiel, Khrystal the Neighbor Kid Whose Name I Can’t Remember, Johnathon (but still responds only to Kriss-tall… maybe it’s that damn hypnotist again).
- Is physically incapable of taking a picture without getting their fingers in the frame. I know. Greatest sin of them all. I am a cruel god.
Anyway. Please add to this list in the comments, should you choose. Maybe that’ll make it less sad?